Trying

I don't have game. I even have difficulty pursuing people. All of my "relationships" thus far have consisted with people approaching and pursuing me. This was easier earlier when I was young and looked young. Now I'm young but slightly older, but look old.

I am returning to the early time of blogging; use it as a personal diary, never expecting anyone I actually know or talk about to see it. Previously I used to enjoy having others be able to read it. I've actually just reconnected with ZW, who I used to talk to in those bygone days. I am returning to this because I want to talk about me trying to meet new guys. I am unable to talk about it with my old friends, and it is way too close to my new friends to tell them.

I've tried the gay volleyball league, both in Vancouver and Montreal. It helped in terms of meeting gay guys. It is very scarce in terms of making gay friends, and even worse in terms of meeting guys.

And as of late, I am so desperate I am not picking up cues well. Not that that was something I was good at, but I seems to be worse at it now.

First there's MB. He's an introvert, but I tried pushing like he's an extravert. At one point he was complaining about a creepy old guy, and I realized that I start pushing like one.

It was then followed by DP. There wasn't even any sign of attraction. I just wanted to so bad that I was being quite a dick. It might've even been quite possible that he is still with his boyfriend long-d.

Then there is BP. He seems to be saying all the right things to play with my heart. There are the "I really like you" and "you remind me of my friend from back home" and "are you single?". Of the guys on this list, this one also might be straight. This comes from a google search (not on Facebook), and finding a teenage girl's blog (see second paragraph) professing how much she adores her cute bf (of no more than a month), who happens to have the same name as BP. It was the same city and around the right time, as well as BP is a rare name, with the only google hits seeming like it's him.

I'm confused about how best to approach the situation. If I try to approach someone I end up a babbling fool that's an awful person, but I'm also not getting enough people to approach me. Maybe it's time to just give up.